Dee In A Nutshell

Feed Me, Love Me, Never Leave Me.


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Work.

I am back at work, back at the Gulag.

And also, I have made the much dreaded move to WordPress. Why, you might ask. I feel like I have betrayed Google but I can’t do with Blogger what I can do with WordPress which is fiddle with my template and have it look as I imagined it would and also have bu little widgets. Maybe, I never really figured out Blogger and that prompted the move but nevertheless, here I am.

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Snooze: A work story

You all know I work in a call centre for a telecommunications company that will remain unnamed, right? You also probably know that we hear some of the funniest things.

Some guy called in and talked to someone else but this story was the funniest thing I had ever heard. I will write it out in Luganda and translate it after.

(phone rings)
Agent: Good morning, (agent) speaking, how can I help you?

Sub: Gyebale ko nyabo. Nafunye mu obuzibu zibu mu ssimu yange. Osobola kunyamba ko?

Agent: Buzibu ki Ssebo?

Sub: Waliwo ennamba enkubila bulikanaku ku sawa zezimu naye essimu bwenjikwata, omuntu tayogela. Ono’musajja asumbwa nyo. Anzukusa ku sawa kuminabili ate natayogela kintu kyona. Nina kyensobola okukola o’kyilekelawo?

Agent: Ssebo, eyo nambe ki?

Sub: Enamba sijilaba, naye elinya ndilaba.

Agent: Bwoba olaba elinya, kitageza nti enamba mweli mu ssimu yo.

Sub: Neda, enambe telimu, najinonyeza nga sijilaba

Agent: Kale, mbulila elinya

Sub: Bamuyita SNOOZE!

Translation.

(phone rings)
Agent: Good morning, (agent) speaking, how may I help you?

Sub: Good morning. I am having a problem with my phone, can you help me?

Agent: What is the problem, sir?

Sub: There is a number that keeps calling me but when I pick the phone up no one speaks. It calls me everyday at the same time and it is getting very annoying. It calls at 6.00am and wakes me up and this person does not answer me, is there anyway I can stop this?

Agent: What is the number?

Sub: I don’t know the number but I know the name. It shows on my phone.

Agent: If you see the name, that must mean the number is in your phone.

Sub: The number is not in my phone, I checked and it is not there.

Agent: Ok, tell me the name you see.

Sub: That person is called SNOOZE!


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Nothing Doing

Can you believe there is not a place on Kampala Road that sells coffee at 7:00am on Sunday? Shouldn’t there be a coffee bar that is open all the time? I woke up at an ungodly hour to be at work and all I needed was a quick fix but neyvah to be any help. Nandos was open but with a dead coffee machine, Cafe Pap was open but only for cleaning as for Dominoes, the doors were even closed. Now I am here dozing at my workstation and starting to find voices in my ear. Life is hard.
So, I was reading through my blog and it seems like I used to lead a very interesting life compared to the one I am leading now evidenced by all the partying I used to do and Dante is on my case constantly that I am growing old but I disagree. I might not blog a whole lot but I am really happy right now. Happier than I have been (I was going to say in a long time but I don’t usually be sad) almost ever. Just because I don’t blog does not mean I am old and boring, does it?
Anyway, I was at Garden City the other day with Carlo having coffee and killing the hours till I was to watch American Gangster with the lover when I got stalked. It wasn’t as bad as it sounded but it was kinda freaky. So there we are at the NYK when this guy sits down opposite us right in my line of sight and he just keeps staring at me. He buys just a water and then he walks outside to our table to use the tissues passing on the way another perfectly ok set of tissues. I thought that was the extent of it, I am kinda used to being stared at so I thought no big deal. We walk away after paying our bill and enter some saloon to get Carlo’s ears pierced and what do you know SD (Stalker Dude) walks right in there behind us and aks how much a hair cut is and then again sits right opposite us. We decided to leave the saloon and walk over to the ATM for Carlo and again he follows us. At this point it is just getting irritating because he is all sweaty and smelly and ukempt, his shirt is half untucked and he is not cute. If you are going to stalk someone, atleast, have the decency to look good while doing it. So, Carlo leaves because it is time for me to go get the tickets and I walk up to the cinema. I meet an old friend and go over to say hello and from where I am standing at Tutti Frutti I see SD looking a bit like he has lost someone he is trying to find. I get the tickets but I have to wait before we can get in the cinema so I sit on these chairs they let you sit on as you wait and who walks up and sits opposite me? You guessed it. I start to think he is dumb because does he think I am not seeing him, why doesn’t he say anything but he walks up to the concession stand and starts asking about the prices of things. Thankfully the lover finally shows up and I practically run to him and hug him because this was getting weird.
Anyway we saw American Gangster and I must say, Denzel has excellent teeth and his acting isn’t so bad either. The whole time I was thinking Frank Lucas had him some brass balls and also even though he was a drug dealer you’ve got to give it up for him, the man was intent on being rich and poweful and I don’t know if it just the movie but it looked so easy.Even us we sell pure heroine and be rich, right?


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Can’t be bothered to think of one.

I have been seeing this on may way to and from work everyday and I don’t think I have ever seen a lazier attempt at decorating.

The taxi was moving so not the best shot but those light look like they were simply flung at the tree. Really? (You probably can’t see the trees but that’s what the lights are hanging on.)

Secret Santa

We had our own Secret Santa a bit late in the season but I got myself a pretty toilet bag. (Seen Here)

Also I had a camera for a while there which explains the above post.


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Can’t be bothered to think of one.

I have been seeing this on may way to and from work everyday and I don’t think I have ever seen a lazier attempt at decorating.

The taxi was moving so not the best shot but those light look like they were simply flung at the tree. Really? (You probably can’t see the trees but that’s what the lights are hanging on.)

Secret Santa

We had our own Secret Santa a bit late in the season but I got myself a pretty toilet bag. (Seen Here)

Also I had a camera for a while there which explains the above post.


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Christmas at Work.

Yes, I am at work. Can you believe it? I had to wake up at the crack of dawn to come here and now I am sleepy as all fuck. I don’t usually do mornings but I should be having dinner with the part of my family that is still stuck in Kampala with me.

It is strange how this feels like any other ordinary day, the people’s complaints are the same, everyone here looks pretty much the same and nothing is happening. Oh, to be a kid again.

Will post later after the day is done and let you know how it has gone.


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Smorgasbord

Of (oh so ) Dry Men.

So last night I go out after forever and I remember why I stopped. There was a kasiki for one of my workmates at Pa Lui and I had to walk out every now and then to breathe. Anyway, the interesting bit happened when I was on my way home.

A bunch of us left the club and this guy asks where I live and it turns out we are neighbours so I take the ride he offers. We get to the exit and he meets two of his friends whom he decides to first drop in Wandegeya. This is cool up to the point we stop in Wandegeya and these guys in a white car park right next to us and the driver jumps out brandishing a gun, I think it was an AK47. Instead of the expected flash of life, I imagined being found shot to pieces in this guy’s car whom I don’t even particularly like and getting my pretty white vest all soiled with blood. Turns out, these guys followed us from Ntinda and tried to stop us (they didn’t try hard, none of us noticed them) because this guy didn’t have a number plate. He had a receipt for one though and it was all sorted. We eventually get on our way home and he parks outside my gate and tries to kiss me. I tell him I have a boyfriend and he asks me what that has got to do with anything. Now, this boy is starting to infuriate me and I want to make it clear to him that I don’t cheat on my boyfriend, not because of how he would feel about it, although I am not saying this doesn’t matter, but because I need to be able to live with myself. Oba, where has he been living? He assures me how in Uganda, women don’t know what they want and therefore I can’t know I don’t want him until he convinces me that I do. WTF?! (This dude does not know my pedigree) I summarily tell him that even if I didn’t have a boyfriend he still wouldn’t even be close to the type of guy I would be with. I have never been so disgusted in my life, I got out of that car and into my house. I have been thinking, is this how all you guys feel? Do you think women don’t have brains or that we don’t enjoy sex and can therefore not be picky? Please tell me.

Padded Panties

My mom told me last night that there is a shop that sells padded underwear for women. I found that unbelievable and I can’t wait to see them, apparently they are called bum panties. Aparrently they are all the rage and she keeps getting phone calls to give directions to where the shop is. If you feel you could use one, please let me know in the comments and I will direct you.

A Fine Balance

I just finished reading this book and right now all I can say is it is the saddest book I have ever read and what’s worse it could all actually have happened.

See y’all on the flip side.