Dee In A Nutshell

Feed Me, Love Me, Never Leave Me.

Why I think Rom-Coms are responsible for my dismal dating experiences


I have grown up on a steady diet of romantic comedies that have definitely given me an unrealistic expectation of love.

My very first memory of watching a romantic comedy was in 1994. We had just gotten M-net (yes, we got it early on)  and I got to see ‘Only You’ with Marisa Tomei and Robert Downey Jr. There is a scene of her by a fountain that has stayed with me since I saw it when I was 10. Now at 27, I realize that, without meaning to, Hollywood misled me and I am clearly confused for it. This unattainable notion of love has haunted all my relationships and I have subconsciously sabotaged most of them because of it. (Some of them ending were really not my fault) and this same notion constantly occupies my thoughts and keeps me awake nights. See my problem is that I realize that the type of love I see in rom-coms is not real, I realize that and logically I know I shouldn’t believe it but deep down, my core does not agree with me because it has seen otherwise in movies. I am surrounded by examples of real world love happening and I wish that’ the kind I believed in but it isn’t. So what I basically want to know is how?

How do I unlearn my obviously flawed perspective? How do I convince myself, at my core that fairytales are just that and that there’s nothing wrong with real world love. Because I really need to know the answer otherwise I’m going to end up an old maid with only her rom-coms and cats to keep her company.

And also, I’m tired. I’m exhausted at the soul-level of all the thinking, the feeling, the thinking about feeling, that goes on all day and I just want some still, just some calm quiet content. Is that too much to ask?


7 thoughts on “Why I think Rom-Coms are responsible for my dismal dating experiences

  1. I so get this…and yet I really really don’t want to give up on my grand notions of real life love and how it can be.

  2. two words: Binge.drinking
    Good to have you back, even in spurts

  3. Good to have you back!

  4. When you figure out how to unlearn the flawed perspectives… halla at a sister!!

  5. You really need to read some Lori Gottlieb. Too many girls are paying too high a price for being this foolish. 27 is a bit late for a girl to wake up to common sense, to be honest. but Lori was even later at 40. And what makes it worse for girls here: those who imbibe such things are generally too insulated from the rest of the society (watching M-Net, for example, as opposed to listening to Kadongo-kamu; being as they are quite wealthy and Western-oriented) that this society of ours does not have any support structures for them. Instead, it has derision when finally their reality kind of disappoints them. Of course, with the Spanish soap operas now broadening the reach of Romantic Comedies and Romantic Dramas, then perhaps the problem will get bigger here and become better-addressed by our society.

  6. Please get out of my head!

  7. came we date, and am also 27. I know the row Ugandan romance.

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