Dee In A Nutshell

Feed Me, Love Me, Never Leave Me.

12 Rounds (Spoiler Alert)


Tuesday is half price at Cineplex which means you can watch a movie for 6,000 shillings. So yesterday, a bunch of friends and I went to the cinema and the only thing we hadn’t seen was 12 Rounds.
Here a few things you can do with 6,000 shillings; buy 6 sodas, buy instant coffee, buy a book, buy cake at NYK. What you shouldn’t do with 6,000 is watch 12 Rounds. We did not realise this.
12 Rounds is movie starring WWE star John Cena as a cop who arrests some dude called Miles and in the process gets Miles’ girlfriend dies. Of course Miles is mad as hell and he vows to remember Cena.
Flash forward to a year later and the anniversary of the day Erika, Miles’ girlfriend died. Cena is living the idyllic American life. He has been promoted to Detective and lives in a house with his girlfriend, a dog complete with a white picket fence. But what is a hero if he is not conflicted? Therefore, Cena is racked with guilt over Erika’s death and hates that that is the even that earned him his promotion. On top of that, he is fighting with his girlfriend over some plumbing issues like every American family as portrayed by Hollywood.
Amidst all this, Miles escapes from prison and blows his house up! Yes! House! Bomb! Explosion! It looks like the movie has officially started. Cena receives a phone call from Miles informing him that the movie has started. A game with 12 rounds has been set in motion. I wonder where the title of the movie came from? The first round just ended and Miles won. Have I already mentioned how horrible the writing is up to this part yet? Well, it is.
Round 2: Molly, Cena’s girlfriend is on her way to work. Miles is going to kidnap her and Cena has to try and stop her. Guess who wins that round?
Round 3: The firehouse where Cena’s brother works is in trouble. We don’t know what. Maybe another bomb, Cena has only a few minutes to figure it out. So of course he gets the fire house evacuated but wait that is not the task. There is a fire in a building… or is there? There isn’t a fire in a building? So why are we here? There are two cases with countdowns and one of them is a bomb. Welcome to Round 4: Cena must take these boxes in 7 minutes to a location where he will find a clue to the 5th round. He gets to the location and one of the cases is a bomb and the other is the clue. If the clue was in one of the cases all along why did he have to drive anywhere? Cena figures out which is which thereby completing the 5th Round. I know, its hard to keep count. By the way, the acting and the writing only seem to be getting worse.
Round 6: The clue is a hotel. Surveillance cameras show that Miles was there with Molly and he has left a tape with instructions on how to get the next clue but first Cena has to use an old service lift and try to save some huge Samoan looking dude. This dude, Willy doesn’t seem to have a will to live. In the scene all he has to do is stand up to have his life saved but does he? Of course not or what chance would Cena have to be guilt wrecked some more.
Round 7: an address in a picture frame tells Cena where to go and he gets on a bus with Molly and Miles on it. A bomb is strapped to Molly’s chest and a wire is strapped to Cena’s. Seriously? A wire? What happened to the sofistication that Hollywood has gotten us used to? Was it the budget or lack thereof? Anyway, Miles and Molly make it off the bus and we go to round 8: A list of phone numbers, 4 of which will ignite a device that will put out the brakes of a street car. Again, Cena loses and the brakes of a street car are compromised. It is headed straight for a crowded water front.
Round 9: stop the street car.
There are 3 more rounds but even just writing about this movie is boring me.


8 thoughts on “12 Rounds (Spoiler Alert)

  1. i claiming boots….

    anything with WWF/E cannot end well…

  2. i think i just watched 3/4 of the movie, thanks to you 😀

  3. WWII also had some negative aspects…

  4. Let’s do 12 rounds of:

    High Five!

    Screw the movie. I like that you’ve made a presence.

  5. Warning heeded.

  6. Watched it last night and i must say it was boooooooooring.
    Only nice part was that black dude who slept off while everyone was panicking over the train that had lost its breaks. Only woke up when the train stopped.

    Oke, Miles Chic was also beautiful tho’ starred for just a few minutes.

  7. I am a John Cena fan!!!!

  8. Scrapped off my list with immediate effect!

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