Dee In A Nutshell

Feed Me, Love Me, Never Leave Me.



I read these and wished I could write.

‘To know clearly what you surrender, what you gain, and to have no regrets; to revisit without envy the scenes of a surrendered joy, and to taste it ephemerally once more, with a delight undimmed by the knowledge that it is momentary, that is happiness, that surely is freedom.’

– Iris Murdoch, The Bell –

‘And it might be absurd to us that one Iqbal can believe the breadcrumbs laid down by another Iqbal, genarations before him, have not yet blown away in the breeze. But it really doesn’t matter what we believe. It seems it won’t stop the man who thinks this life is guided by the life he thinks he had before, or the gypsy who swears by the queens in her tarot pack. And it’s hard to change the mind of the high-strung woman who lays responsibility for all her actions at the feet of her mother, or the lonely guy who sits in a fold-up chair on a hill in the dead of night waiting for the little green men. Amidst the strange landscapes that have replaced our belief in the efficacy of the stars, Millat’s is not such old terrain. He believes the decisions that are made, come back. He believes we live in circles. His is a simple, neat fatalism. What goes around comes around.’

– Zadie Smith, White Teeth –

‘And then I felt sad because I realised that once people are broken in certain ways, they can’t be fixed, and this is something nobody ever tells you when you are young and it never fails to surprise you as you grow older as you see the people in your life break one by one. You wonder when your turn is going to be, or if it’s already happened.

– Douglas Coupland, Life After God –

‘Everything was gone. But not everything. This sort of evil does not subside, this sort of evil grows as it feeds. They would turn to other villagers with their machetes swinging in dull whirrs of dark iron and if they could not slice the lips, ears, noses cleanly off or of they did not chop the hands, buttocks, legs cleanly off, if the flesh lung to the body by a string of bleeding desperate faith, their hands would grab in, nails digging in for a stronger grip, and pull, to tear it off. And then they would laugh and let the man, thus mutilated, live because they thought it was funny.’

– Ernest Bazanye –

‘What was it about this unlovable century that convinced us we were, despite everything, eminently lovable as a people, as a species? What made us think that anyone who fails to love us is damaged, lacking, malfunctioning in some way? And particularly if they replace us with a god, or a weeping madonna, or the face of Christ in a ciabatta roll – then we call them crazy. Deluded. Regressive. We are so convinced of the goodness of urselves, and the goodness of our love, we cannot bear to believe that there might be something more worthy of love than us, more worthy of worship. Greeting cards routinely tell us that everybody deserves love. No. Everybody deserves clean water. Not everybody deserves love all the time.

– Zadie Smith, White Teeth –

‘She didn’t read books so she didn’t know that she was the world and the heavens boiled down to a drop. Man attempting to climb to painless heights from his dung hill.

– Zora Neale Hurston, Their Eyes Were Watching God –



Rock Night Chronicles

Have you ever just been dying to listen to a song and you can’t find it? Since Friday of last week, I was dying to listen to ‘Starlight’ by Muse but never to find it anywhere (and don’t tell me now how you have it.) I listened to Touch FM and asked for it everyday till yesterday, nothing, they don’t have it yet. I go to Steak Out yesterday and ask Shadrac for it but he doesn’t have it either, he tells me Tams does. I have to leave at 11.30pm and still no Tams and just as I am walking out he walks in and I tell him he must play this song and bless his soul it is the first of his set. I was so happy, I just wanted to cry. Thank you Tams.

Talk about crying for songs, I haven’t heard ‘Travelling Soldier’ by The Dixie Chicks in a while, so when I listened to it this afternoon, it was all I could do to stop myself wailing and calling attention to myself. See the lyrics below and cry with me.

“Travelin’ Soldier”

Two days past eighteen
He was waiting for the bus in his army green
Sat down in a booth in a cafe there
Gave his order to a girl with a bow in her hair
He’s a little shy so she gives him a smile
And he said would you mind sittin’ down for a while
And talking to me,I’m feeling a little low
She said I’m off in an hour and I know where we can go

So they went down and they sat on the pier
He said I bet you got a boyfriend but I don’t care
I got no one to send a letter to
Would you mind if I sent one back here to you


I criedNever gonna hold the hand of another guy
Too young for him they told her
Waitin’ for the love of a travelin’ soldier
Our love will never end
Waitin’ for the soldier to come back again
Never more to be alone when the letter said
A soldier’s coming home

So the letters came from an army camp
In California then Vietnam
And he told her of his heart
It might be love and all of the things he was so scared of
He said when it’s getting kinda rough over here
I think of that day sittin’ down at the pier
And I close my eyes and see your pretty smile
Don’t worry but I won’t be able to write for awhile


One Friday night at a football game
The Lord’s Prayer said and the Anthem sang
A man said folks would you bow your heads
For a list of local Vietnam dead
Crying all alone under the stands
Was a piccolo player in the marching band
And one name read and nobody really
a pretty little girl with a bow in her hair

[Chorus x2]

Is that not the saddest song?



Hmmmm (as in sigh)

I started working on Thursday, and is the case when I am working, I leave home pretty early and get back tired when all I want to do is sleep. As a result, I haven’t seen my mom in a while. It’s just my mom and I at home so when one of us is missing, the other really notices it. Yesterday I made it a point to go home early and yippee! I caught her just as she was going out so I was pretty stocked. It might seem right now that this post is going nowhere not so fast.

I was just wondering, what is about mothers? When I was younger and I was going through my rebellious stage, I used to swear I would never turn into my mother and now that I am grown, I know that if I ever became even half the woman my mother is, that I would have it made. I was having one of those days where I needed a hug and who better to make it all better than the woman who birthed you? I wonder, does everyone feel this way about their mothers? It kinda scares me. I mean on the one hand, I can’t wait to have children if only to have them feel about me the way I feel about her and on the other hand I am terrified that they might not, that I will never be as good a mother as she has been to me. Either way, mothers rock, or at least, mine does.

In other news, isn’t the Sanyu Breakfast show amazing? I know my morning would not be the same without them. And the Most Wanted show on Touch FM from 10.00am to 12.00pm? I so look forward to these two shows everyday.

And now, I’m out.


More Books

I finally thought of something to write about. I was going through my old posts and noticed I should have talked about other books that I read, I’m sorry I forgot. Since that last post I have read so many books but I can only remember 8 and I will write about four to begin with in chronoligical order from the last one I read.

A Series of Unfortunate Events – Lemony Snicket:
A Bad Beginning – Book the First.
I just finished reading this last night and I must say I really liked it. It is funny and easy to read. I like children’s books and I usually enjoy them immensely and this one was no different.In this book the Baudeliere children become orphans and must stay with Count Olaf, which as you can imagine, does not go well. My 12 year old sister read Book the Third and really liked it. You should give it a try.
The Shadow Of The Wind – Carlos Ruiz Zafon
There is something about these South American writers and magical realism, they do it so well and I am quickly getting hooked to this genre. This book was a bit different, in that, it was very believable, I guess that explains the realism bit. It is about this boy and this book, it is truly a book for people who love books. Rev, you will be getting this soon, don’t fret. It is very well written and the imagery is beautiful. Have you ever read a book and so clearly seen it? That’s what reading this was like for me.
A Series of Unfortunate Events – Lemony Snicket:
The Wide Window – Book The Third
I read this one before the first one by mistake. When Ernest bought it he thought it was the first one and I took it of him before he could read it. I guess you could say it was the beginning of my obsession with everything Snicket but that wouldn’t be strictly true because the movie was the beginning. I really liked it and I knew I wanted to read the book it was based on. Just recently I find that it is actually 3 books. In this particular one is when the orphans go to stay with their Aunt Josephine. It takes on basically the same vein as the first one and it is worth a read. While you’re at it, check out the website
Fury – Salman Rushdie
Now anyone who knows me knows I am a huge Rushdie fan, I adore his books. This man is a genius, genius, I tell you and this book is no different. How do you begin to describe the thing you love most? I feel my words are inadequate to impress upon you how his words make me feel. I am planning to read everything he has ever written and I don’t think I am a long way off. I loved this book, though not as much as I loved ‘The Ground Beneath Her Feet.’
I am tired of writing now so I will stop and write some more soon. I will also put up a list of the ones I want to read and see if you guys can help me get them.
I’m out.

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Rock Night Chronicles

I know it has been forever since I chronicled my nights and this particular chapter is not even because anything special happened last night but because I have the internet and nothing to do. So as usual I went last night, I go almost every Thursday and it has to be a snowy night in Hell for me not to orI have to not be in town.
It was ordinary and I saw the same people I see every Thursday. There are a bunch of regulars and just because we see each other every week, we are now friends. I have nothing more to say so bye.


Hallelujah, She is not dead.

I truly believed I was though. I have been wracking my brain trying to come up with a suitable reason to explain my absence and a topic to blog about now that I am back and sorry I can’t figure anything out. I haven’t blogged simply because I haven’t had anything to say and I’m blogging now because I have nothing to do so early in the morning.

I’m temping at an office that has internet so I will be blogging regularly even with nothing to say, you guys are in trouble, you’re going to have to read all my crap now and you’ll be sorry you wondered where I had gone.

I actually have a really nice picture of Carlo, Kaza and I that I should put up, maybe make this a little more interesting.

Ok, bye.