Dee In A Nutshell

Feed Me, Love Me, Never Leave Me.

Nothing Special.


I was on my way home yesterday when the funniest thing happened. You know, if you live in Ntinda just how hard it is to get a taxi home between the hours of 6 and 8pm. I decided to get taxi to Kamwokya and then another to Bukoto. Apparently, I wasn’t the only person who thought of this because the number of people at the stage was unbelievable. I decided to walk home since it is pretty close to the stage. As I was walking, some guy starts walking next to me and, I guess, as a means of striking up a conversation says, “It is very hard to get a taxi.” I don’t say anything, thinking he can’t possibly be talking to me or that if I ignored him, he would go away. That didn’t work and he said it again, “It is very hard to get a taxi.” This time I look up to see who this guy is and maybe if I know him. I didn’t. When he saw he had my attention, he said it again, “It is very hard to get a taxi.” This time, I nod. He takes this as a cue to go into a long narrative about how one hustles for the taxi and the conductors are so mean as if one won’t be paying the fare and about how the fares have hiked and how unfair that is to the ordinary man and woman. I make some kind of agreeing sound and he then proceeds to introduce himself as Farooq and asks my name. I make up one since I was not up to the jokes that usually follow once I tell people my name. He asks if I have a phone and I say that I don’t since I don’t have one right now. He then gives me his number. I burst out and laughed right there and told him that even if I did remember his number I would not call him. So he asked why? This is where I was stumped, what do you say? What do you say that does not sound very mean or that would satisfy him as a good enough reason why I won’t call him. Because I have enough friends and don’t want anymore, that would be untrue. Help me out here people.
When I told some of my girlfriends this story it led into a conversation about the worst pick up lines we have ever heard. One of my girlfriends was told she must be a broom because she had swept some guy off his feet. Another guy said, “I am humbled.” Perplexed, my girlfriend asks why and he counters, “by such great beauty.” I must say I can’t remember any pick up line that was ever used on me except some guy who asked, “you know I am totally hitting on you, right?” I found that hilarious and I think I have told y’all about it before.
So please tell me some of the worst and best pick up lines you have heard or dished out yourselves.


23 thoughts on “Nothing Special.

  1. For starters, why on earth didn’t you slap the brains back into that cretin? He definitely lacks finesse. I mean, sure, you are a knock-out, but there is a Right Way to do stuff …

    Pick-up line? Well, ain’t never given (well, not intentionally, anyway), and chics won’t give me any, so … [blank].

  2. poor guy. i put it to you, that it is not the pickup line, but the way it’s delivered.

    word is, that chics can be just as shallow as guys. as long as the guy’s good looking. for the first 5 minutes, nothing he sez really matters.

    am i lying? am i lying? see?

  3. Kyokka Farooq. He does that all the time. I’ve tried to talk to him but he just won’t listen.

  4. Also, “Gimme a minute. I’m trying to come up with something clever to say.” My gangos when I was a teenager used to use that in clubs.

  5. “I’m single, Can you believe that shit?!”

  6. Baz, stop making me laugh!

    now Dante, u are like soooo wrong! in fact, nothin makes a cute guy as unattractive as a cruddy/corny line.

    the worst: “I love you.” (only in Uganda is this considered a pick-up line by some sorry boys)

    the best:… still waiting …

  7. damn you, Ladder Theory. how could you lie to me?

  8. I JUST FRIGGIN’ COMMENTED!!! this thing is giving me hell but i’ll wooosaaaaah . . .

    i agree goddess,the absolute worst and ickiest is “i love you”. and the best so far is baz’s “gimme a minute . . . ” i’d definitely pay attention if someone said that to me. very funny! considering i don’t get that many pick up lines, i can’t come up with anything original. but i’ll keep y’all posted.

    p.s. “PeterrrrJay”!! oh the memories.

  9. Come to think of it….no one ever dropped a line my way! Am I that ugly?

    I’m so sad right now…

    I like reluctant Ugandan’s one….and Baz, trust u to come up with that!

  10. Okay, one for you Carlo and Cheri, each. I mean, we might as well cry on each other’s shoulder:

    @Carlo: No pick up line for you – I don’t deserve the honour. Amen.

    @Cheri: You will hate this pick-up line and shoo me off. So kill me with this gun. Or your smile.

  11. Why do u have to throw in the word “gun”???? Kitugani?

    U think I love guns??? Its not all I can use. In fact, only used it once b4. Now I use, ropes, Morphine, and cars…. more creative methods than guns….

    Rant ‘n’ Roll.

  12. cheri totally missed that line! oh no!
    lets observe a moment of silence

  13. My worst pick-up lines (what, you thought guys don’t get pick up lines thrown their way?)Proceeding…

    1. “I know you! You were in my dreams.”

    2. “You look like you have been waiting for me all your life.”

    3.”My feelings for you are the type a mother and father have for their children.”

    4. “Go on, boy, justify my love.”

    Should i proceed?

  14. @Baz funny, I totally got it!

    I may be slow, but this ship can’t sail away on me!

    In fact, u missed my line!!! hehehe the joke’s on u.

    @Iwaya….lol..No2 is an insult.
    Please do proceed.

  15. Cheri, that comment is not mine. First time I am seeing it.

    I guess someone landed on this computer and commented without logging me out.

    Me? Write “lets”? Like I ran out of apostrophes?

    am a snob. i dont mispuncuate….

  16. This guy actually told my sis “I want to eati you” in Kinyankore accent.

  17. Okay i once heard a guy tell a friend of mine… You have marble eyes… tihihihi.. Cant come up with one that a guy has said to me but a chic once told me that she has never seen sexy until she crossed my path…. i tell u everytime i meet this chic in town i dive to the nearest cave

  18. in africa hall, benchin a friend. sthing funny is told. i laugh. and this gal, a roomie of ma friend is lookin at me when she observes: “your eyes become small and lovely when you laugh.” i pick the cue that she loves men’s eyes. when we meet two days later i hold her gaze for 3 seconds and shoot: “your eyes are dancin just for me.” it’s a tennesse williams line but she falls for it & says with a coy smile,”thank you.” i dont waste time; i suggest a tea date in wandegeya. she says yes.

  19. @baz, hmm, this must be the same masquerader. Surely the ubiquitous baz woulda preferred ‘I’m’ to ‘am’ – and did he mean ‘mispuncTuate’?

  20. i love you is the worst for me!!

  21. now this cracked me up…was he stammering as he said it? or a nervous eye twitch..

  22. now this cracked me up…was he stammering as he said it? or a nervous eye twitch..

  23. now this cracked me up…was he stammering as he said it? or a nervous eye twitch..

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