I have just stumbled upon the funniest story, before this I wanted to live in New York, now I want to move there tomorrow. It’s a funny post on this guy’s blog, www.blog.myspace.com/astamm78 check it out. I have copied the post itself and a few funny comments.
My brief career as a kidnapper… Current mood: curious Category: Life
Not sure why this memory popped into my head recently… this happened to me a few years ago. I was working as a designer way the hell out in Oak Brook, and living in Logan Square. I had left work early to meet up with my older brother (at the time living in Lincoln Park, on Diversy, near Lincoln) for a taco dinner, and from there we were heading over to the Vic Theatre to see Tom Petty. Now, I can’t remember the name of the taco place, but it was right on Diversy, and we grabbed a booth by the window in their small dining area (really small, like maybe no more than three booths) and quietly made small talk while we ate our tacos. I vaguely recall staring out the window at people walking by, when one lady walked by, looked over at me through the glass, waved, and then kept on walking. My brother asked me if I knew her, which of course I didn’t, and we kept on eating.About two minutes later I head the door chime and that same lady walked in, came right up over to our table and starting talking to me.Now, this conversation was totally off the wall, but some highlights of what she said to me are;
She felt a deep, ‘spiritual’ connection to me as she walked by
Apparantly, she heard a psychic voice in her head as she walked by (my voice, she explained) telling her that she needed to reconnect with Jesus. Mind you, I’ve never been known as one to wield any sort of extra-sensory powers.
She wanted me to be a guide on her spiritual quest back to Jesus and thereby getting her life back on track (I’ll take this moment to point out that in addition to not being psychic I’m also not a religous person)Anywho, I tried to politely explain to her that I made no such connection, that I couldn’t give a rat’s ass if she reconnected with Jesus, and no, I wouldn’t offer her guidance on this journey. But she kept persisting until I got a little mad and asked her to quit bothering us.And then is when things took another turn, she looked startled, and then angry and then demanded to know where I was taking her! I asked her what the hell she was talking about, but she kept rambling on about calling the police and how kidnapping is a crime, until I finally couldn’t take any more, got up and walked out to my car, which was parked right out front, which I thought would hopefully leave my brother to deal with this situation since I was waiting for him to finish eating anyways.But no, she followed me out side, yelling the whole time, “Are you kidnapping me!? Are you kidnapping me? Why are you kidnapping me, I’m calling the police!!”Now, I’ve always been under the impression that if you actually have to ask someone if you’re being kidnapped, then no, you probably aren’t. Also, how is it possible for one person to kidnap somebody without ever laying a hand on them? And not only that, if she truly did think I was trying to kidnap her, why did she keep following me around? I just don’t know.So I got into my car and turned up the stereo until she got tired of beating on my windows, demanding to know why I was kidnapping her and wandered off. Minutes later my brother came out of the taco place, laughing his ass off and refering to me as the ‘kidnapper’ for the remainder of the evening.It is possible that there is a moral to this story, but it has always escaped me.
NOW, THE COMMENTS;
So I am walking past this man and he stops me and asks for some change. Not an uncommon thing by any means. I politely say that I don’t have any and continue walking. But the next thing I know I hear “Brace Yourself” and the man jumps onto my back and asks for a Piggyback ride. I, myself, am a little essentric so I tell him that I can only take him to the end of the block because that is where I must go home.
then a few weeks later I was at an improv show and the performers had asked what the strangest thing that had happened to them in the last month was. I shot my hand up. filled them in on some of the details, and they made a small improv musical about the events from start to finish.
SOMEONE ELSE SAID:
This reminded me of my own experience with a so-called crazy homeless person. I ventured down off of my small town mountain into the big city, intimidated by all of the people and traffic, as usual. I was driving in downtown Sacramento, lost as can be, driving the wrong way on a one-way street. As soon as I discovered my error, I paused at a corner waiting for a break in the traffic so I could turn onto another street into the proper direction, when a homeless man came up to my car and started beating on my window. I tried ignoring him, but he persisted and was yelling really loudly at me. I was completely freaking out, but the traffic was heavy and I couldn’t go anywhere, so I rolled down my window about 1/2 an inch to hear what he was yelling. He was yelling, “Get out of the way, lady or you are going to get mowed down by the light rail train!” (and before you ask, yes, I am blonde).
That’s pretty funny. It reminds of this one time a dude tried to kidnap me after I asked him to spiritually guide me to Jesus. He chickened out though, and hid in his car listening to some really loud Dan Fogelberg.