Forgive Me

I usually can’t stand forwards and I don’t even know if this is one but it was so funny I just had to share it.

 

Bill Gates organized an enormous session to recruit a new Chairman for Microsoft Europe. 5000 candidates assembled in a large room. One candidate was Mayombwe a Ugandan living in USA. Bill Gates thanked all the candidates for coming and asked those who do not know JAVA programming to leave, 2000 people left.

Mayombwe said to himself, “I do not know JAVA but I have nothing to lose if I stay. I’ll give it a try.”

Bill Gates asked the candidates who didn’t have experience managing more than 100 people to leave. 2000 people left.

Mayombwe said to himself, “I never managed anybody by myself but I have nothing to lose if I stay. What can happen to me?”

Then Bill Gates asked candidates who didn’t have a minimum Diploma in Business Management to leave. 500 people left the room.

Mayombwe said to himself, “I left school at 15 after Grade 7 but what have I got to lose?” and stayed the room.

Lastly, Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not speak Serb-Croat to leave. 498 people left the room.

Mayombwe said to himself, “I do not speak one word of Serb-Croat but what do I have to lose?” and found he and one other candidate were left in the room.

Bill Gates joined them and said, “Apparently you are the only two candidates who have all the required qualifications and experience I am looking for and speak Serb-Croat, so I’d now like to hear you have a conversation in that language.

Calmly, Mayombwe turned to the other candidate and in a hoarse voice said, “Ogamba ki musajja?”

The other candidate answered softly but clearly, “Mwana, tuli wano tuyiiya. Ensi nzibu, abaana balina okusoma…”

 

What is the education system going to hell in? A Hand basket

Sunday was my little sister’s visitation day and since our parents aren’t around, I went to see her. Now, my sister is a huge Miley Cyrus fan much to my concern but I don’t fault her this; she’s young. Being as big a fan as she is, it comes as no surprise that she decided to mark her school uniform using Miley Cyrus’ name. It turns out this is a big no-no in her school so the class teacher asked to speak to me when I got there. As a good guardian I go to see the teacher. The first thing he said to me was “Well Done.” First of all, what is the standard answer to that greeting? I just said hello back and waited to hear what he had to say. A flag had already been raised in my head but I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. I was wrong, I want my benefit back. He carried the conversation on in both English and Luganda and kept asking me if “I got him right” I felt it was my duty to inform him that right is not exactly something I can get him but it would have been futile so I let him be and hoped to God that he didn’t teach my sister English or anything in fact. The clincher came when he said to me. “You know, my headmaster is trickery. He checks to see if you know your students.”

The only thing I am sure about is my sister can not stay in that school. Any ideas of good schools, anyone, with relatively cheap school fees?

What five things would you want to tell your unborn children?

I was back on my recently favourite site, Soul Pancake and they had another interesting challenge. Below are my answers;

1. Don’t be afraid to be yourself. I’ll love you no matter what.
2. Your place in this world shall not be determined by your race, gender, religion or sexual preference. I won’t let it.
3. Judge everyone on their own merit.
4. I hope you love to read.
5. I love you.

What would you tell your unborn children? Sound off in the comments or visit Soul Pancake, become a member and do all the challenges.

Nocturnal

Last night I watched Nocturnal perform live and if I could write better I would describe to you just how awesome it is. If I had known that there was a band with the pedigree that Nocturnal displayed last night, my faith in the Ugandan music industry would have been restored ages ago. This is how it went down.

Last month at the Maurice Kirya Experience I saw Edmund Begumisa play for the first time and I fell in love. Edmund plays like he is making love to her woman, not just any woman but the woman he loves. I was so smitten I couldn’t wait to see him play again but I found out it wasn’t a regular deal. Anyway just when I had lost hope of ever hearing him play again, I got an SMS on Saturday “NOCTURNAL, the original Ugandan Blues-Rock band performing LIVE @ Iguana, Kisementi 9pm.” I read that message and just screamed I was so excited.

9pm found us at Iguana but UMEME had other ideas. The power was out and generator was not co-operating so we sat in the dark for almost 2 hours before it was up again. However, I can assure you that the band was worth the wait. Edmund was only the tip of the iceberg, James Onen was on base and vocals and I apologise for not remembering the drummer’s name. The band rocked!!!!!!! They played a Johnny Lang song, ‘Quitters never win’ and Ernest was losing it. We were all dancing and at one point Carlo and I were dancing on the chairs, it was that good. When it ended I didn’t want it to end.

This is a plea to Nocturnal. Play more, get regular gigs, record albums.

12 Rounds (Spoiler Alert)

Tuesday is half price at Cineplex which means you can watch a movie for 6,000 shillings. So yesterday, a bunch of friends and I went to the cinema and the only thing we hadn’t seen was 12 Rounds.
Here a few things you can do with 6,000 shillings; buy 6 sodas, buy instant coffee, buy a book, buy cake at NYK. What you shouldn’t do with 6,000 is watch 12 Rounds. We did not realise this.
12 Rounds is movie starring WWE star John Cena as a cop who arrests some dude called Miles and in the process gets Miles’ girlfriend dies. Of course Miles is mad as hell and he vows to remember Cena.
Flash forward to a year later and the anniversary of the day Erika, Miles’ girlfriend died. Cena is living the idyllic American life. He has been promoted to Detective and lives in a house with his girlfriend, a dog complete with a white picket fence. But what is a hero if he is not conflicted? Therefore, Cena is racked with guilt over Erika’s death and hates that that is the even that earned him his promotion. On top of that, he is fighting with his girlfriend over some plumbing issues like every American family as portrayed by Hollywood.
Amidst all this, Miles escapes from prison and blows his house up! Yes! House! Bomb! Explosion! It looks like the movie has officially started. Cena receives a phone call from Miles informing him that the movie has started. A game with 12 rounds has been set in motion. I wonder where the title of the movie came from? The first round just ended and Miles won. Have I already mentioned how horrible the writing is up to this part yet? Well, it is.
Round 2: Molly, Cena’s girlfriend is on her way to work. Miles is going to kidnap her and Cena has to try and stop her. Guess who wins that round?
Round 3: The firehouse where Cena’s brother works is in trouble. We don’t know what. Maybe another bomb, Cena has only a few minutes to figure it out. So of course he gets the fire house evacuated but wait that is not the task. There is a fire in a building… or is there? There isn’t a fire in a building? So why are we here? There are two cases with countdowns and one of them is a bomb. Welcome to Round 4: Cena must take these boxes in 7 minutes to a location where he will find a clue to the 5th round. He gets to the location and one of the cases is a bomb and the other is the clue. If the clue was in one of the cases all along why did he have to drive anywhere? Cena figures out which is which thereby completing the 5th Round. I know, its hard to keep count. By the way, the acting and the writing only seem to be getting worse.
Round 6: The clue is a hotel. Surveillance cameras show that Miles was there with Molly and he has left a tape with instructions on how to get the next clue but first Cena has to use an old service lift and try to save some huge Samoan looking dude. This dude, Willy doesn’t seem to have a will to live. In the scene all he has to do is stand up to have his life saved but does he? Of course not or what chance would Cena have to be guilt wrecked some more.
Round 7: an address in a picture frame tells Cena where to go and he gets on a bus with Molly and Miles on it. A bomb is strapped to Molly’s chest and a wire is strapped to Cena’s. Seriously? A wire? What happened to the sofistication that Hollywood has gotten us used to? Was it the budget or lack thereof? Anyway, Miles and Molly make it off the bus and we go to round 8: A list of phone numbers, 4 of which will ignite a device that will put out the brakes of a street car. Again, Cena loses and the brakes of a street car are compromised. It is headed straight for a crowded water front.
Round 9: stop the street car.
There are 3 more rounds but even just writing about this movie is boring me.
DON’T WATCH IT!

List five possible openings for your biography

That was one of the challenges or questions on my new favourite website Soul Pancake. Here are mine.

1. When I was 7 I fell off a jungle gym right onto my back, oddly enough all I could think of at the time was an eagle that had snatched a chapati from my hand earlier. When I was 14 I fell off a bunk bed onto my back, that time my mind was blank.
2. The word “Love” is an odd one isn’t it? How can one word so encompass all manner of emotion. I can say “I love my mother” or “I love food” and they both make perfectly good sense but that doesn’t mean I would like to eat my mother or would have liked my ancestors to have been aubergines.
3. Why isn’t life enough?
4. I am a ghost writer and this is someone else’s story.
5. I once participated in an exercise to list five possible opening for my biography. I am not using any of them.

What are yours? Feel free to comment them or go over to Soul Pancake and participate.

Link

Apart from Twitter, this is my new obsession. Check it out.

Soul Pancake.

25

I recently turned 25 and the one thing I have learned so far is to agree with the saying ‘The best laid plans…’

When I was younger I always thought at 25 I would be married and pregnant with my first born who would be a girl whom I would name Esmy for Esmaralda. None of that is about to happen and the awesome thing is I am good with the place my life is in now. I don’t want to be pregnant and married.

So to celebrate my birhtday, I got a tattoe and a new haircut which I am loving. On the tattoe, no one tells you it scabs over before it heals. Well, it does! And it is in that scabby phase right now and not looking so good. Now, when I tell anyone I got one, the first questions they ask are where and what is it?

You’ll just have to see me to find out.

Destined for greatness?

Lately I have been feeling disconsolate, disillusioned, maybe dissatisfied. I feel like there is so much more I could be doing, like there is so much more I could be, like I am destined for greatness and I am settling for mediocrity. Do you ever feel like that? I have no idea what has brought it on. Maybe it’s the fact that I have most of what one needs to be happy, a good man, a job I enjoy doing (or atleast I did before the boredom set in), a home and good friends and I seem to have run out of things to want. All of these things are supposed to make us happy aren’t they? Maybe this is why some people get married. Honestly, I can’t understand it, I just know I want it to be over. I need to do something to take me out of this self imposed rut. Any suggestions?

BHH Improptus Photos

This link should take you to my Facebook album even if you’re not on FB.

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=81785&l=af3f5&id=743381476